It's Yours.

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”— John 5:8

I have had the amazing opportunity to work with the most incredible people for the past few years. I've been able to guide people to hope, joy, meaning, healing, and overall better sense of self. But in the midst of people fiercely going after their healing, I've also noticed that some of my amazing clients still struggle with the healing process. If I'm being honest, I'm still struggling with the healing process. It wasn't until a seemingly random conversation with a complete stranger that I was given the courage to figure out what was preventing me from fully stepping into my healing.

I was at a Macy's counter just talking about what I do for work. Through the course of the conversation, the person I was speaking to said "I know I should be in therapy but I'm afraid of what I will find". This isn't a new concept to me, I've heard it many times before but on the drive home, I couldn't help but think of my stuck clients and myself. It was on that same drive home that I came to the realization that like many of my clients, I am the only one standing in the way of my healing, and there is comfort in that for me.

There is comfort in knowing that I don't have to do the work of processing repressed emotions.

There is comfort in dealing with the known of hurting than the unknown of healing.

There is comfort in hiding my pain and my hurt and claiming it to be "just who I am" when that's not what God called me to be.

There is comfort in knowing that if I can keep it from God, if I don't talk about it, if I don't put words to what I feel, what I experienced, then I don't have to deal with it.

Then I can claim anxiousness, anger, depression, impatience, dependance on external validation, trigger responses, and _______ as "just who I am" even though God's Word speaks in direct contradiction to those attributes.

A common misconception about healing is that it feels good. Yes, healing is freeing in the end, and there are wins on the journey, but for many people "the end" doesn't come for many years. In church it's common to hear the verse "Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5). But for many people, "night" is their ever-present existance. And when you've lived in that state for a long period of time, you grow comfortable. You start to make your bed in the space you once dreaded, you make a space that was supposed to be temporary, your home and dwelling place. You don't want to leave, and I can understand that.

If you are in the process of starting your healing journey or if you're ready to go into a deeper level of healing and you're hesitant for any reason, you aren't alone. Have grace for yourself as you're getting to know, and address, the parts of you that you've lost touch with (or never met). Take things one step at a time. Be kind to yourself. And if you find it challenging to do any of these things, in any capacity, find someone to stand by you through it. Again, you are not alone. As difficult as healing is, you deserve it. You deserve to be free. You deserve to be healed.