When Oceans Rise

If I'm being honest, I'm not the biggest fan of CCM (Christian Contemporary Music) but lately, I've found myself listening to Oceans (Where Feet May Fall) [Reloaded] and Be Still (the Kreyol version) on repeat. It's been very soothing to listen to but for some reason, I've been drawn to it. Reflecting on the past few months leading into the new year, I can say with certainty, that I've been asked to walk on water.

I experienced a great loss towards the end of 2023 and it shook me, it shook my foundation and I haven't been the same since. I lost faith in God and His ability to heal me. I lost faith in His Word. I can quote scripture after scripture about trusting God, His timing, His reasoning, but does any of that matter if I don't believe it?

I honestly became angry with God. So angry that my spiritual life began to decline. I showed up at church like the good Christian I'm supposed to be but I was actively avoiding God. I served in the Children's Ministry with joy but was so surface level in my prayers. I gave friends and clients counsel on faith and trust knowing good and well that I needed the same from God. Instead of going to Him with my pain and my hurt, I relied on myself and my finite wisdom. I built myself a boat made of worldly comfort that would keep me safe from the harsh winds of life and deep oceans of despair. I relied on it to bring me through to the other side. But similar to the boat Peter had in Matthew 14:22-36, it didn't stand a chance. Then God says to me, in the midst of roaring winds and rising waves, in the midst of my pain and suffering, He says to me "Come".

He wants me, in the middle of the storm, to leave my comfort and go out to Him. I thought I could keep my eyes on Him but I turned away, part of me couldn't believe that He could actually bring me through. I saw how scary it was and I began to doubt that God could actually keep me from falling. And then I started drowning in my sorrows and in my hurt. I felt myself sinking. I let go of the one hand that could keep me from falling.

So this year, I'm dedicating my efforts to holding on and learning to trust Him more than I fear the storm. Then one day, with Him, I'll be able to walk on water.