So, What's Next?

18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

One of the hardest and simultaneously most fulfilling moments is ending a therapeutic relationship with a client. A person, who was once a complete stranger, has let you into the deepest parts of themselves, allowed you to wage war with them for their mental health, bloom into an incredible new person, is now going to resume their role as a stranger.

Don't get me wrong, I start the therapeutic relationship the same way with everyone, by hoping that our time will eventually come to an end because the end means life has become just that much more tolerable. But one of the questions I get the most at the end is "what do I do now?". Some would consider it silly because the "logical" answer would be "just keep doing what we've worked on and you'll be fine" but it's a little more than that.

The story that comes to mind when I talk to people about terminating therapy is the story of Lot's wife in Genesis 19.

Bear with me, this will all make sense in a minute lol

We know more about the state of Sodom, and even her husband, than we know about her. What we know is that they lived in a depraved city. We know that her daughters were not safe and that violence was never too far away. What we don't know is how long she has stayed in that state. We don't know what she's grown accustomed to or what's been normalized for her. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 13 that habitual experiences and ways of thinking have a lasting impact on how we move about life, things become a "norm". Science calls it negative habituation, where your brain experiences the same thoughts or experiences so often that it's no longer impactful.

Though we don't know how long she lived there, we do know that Lot lived in Sodom for at least 20 years. Over 20 years, there has to be some level of adaptation, some level of comfort. Maybe a friend or two. Her daughters were engaged to two young men and cared about them enough to try to convince them to escape with them when the angels came to destroy the city. All that to say, there had to be some level of comfort, even in a desolate town.

Here's where it all connects: the angels gave clear instructions on what to do while fleeing the city. Go to a mountain, take these people, and whatever you do, don't look back. Oddly enough, I give my clients similar instructions. Go away from the [toxic, damaging, life draining] experiences that you once lived in and in some ways, participated in. It was normal at one point but not any more. Take with you the people and things that have poured into you, the things that can help you in this new life that you're embarking on (and lowkey, sometimes that can look like checking in with your old therapist every few months for a "tune-up" lol). And don't look back on what was. That doesn't mean to shut it out or pretend it didn't happen, it means don't long for it. Don't go back to it. Don't try to go back to what you were used to, just because you were used to it. Remember it, grow from it, move forward.

I'm not sure the posture of Lot's wife's heart when she looked back but I do know that her looking back carried heavy consequences, similar to returning to harmful habits that were once left behind. The road forward is uncertain and uncertainty can be daunting but behold! You are a new creation and God is doing a new thing. Press on.