Take up your mat and WALK

John 5:6 "When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, 'Do you want to get well?'"

If you haven't heard this before, let me be the first to tell you: healing is HARD. I don't want to deter anyone away from the process of healing but I do want to be real about it. It's tough work, that takes intentionality, self-awareness, and most importantly, grace.

My (ongoing) healing process started a few years ago when a very good friend helped me realize the toxic thought processes I held on to. To be honest, I knew I needed to heal long before then but I didn't want to because of how hard it seemed to be. There were scars on top of scars, wounds from family members and loved ones that were supposed to protect me, hurt that I swore never to tell another soul. I thought I pushed all of the pain and hurt far down enough that I would never have to see it again; out of sight out of mind, right? I couldn't have been more wrong.

The cuts I experienced left me unknowingly bleeding over all of the ones that tried to help me through the healing process. I projected fear, hurt, and agony onto others with such force that they had no choice but to back away. The ones that could, did. The ones that couldn't were left with their own scars to deal with. I pushed away all of my friends, and didn't let anyone else get close to me. The pain left me in a space of isolation. To make matters worse, I was in that space for so long that I took a temporary phase and turned it into a lifestyle. Trauma and I were close friends and it was the only friend I had.

If y'all know about the story of the man by the bubbling pool, you know he was in that state for long time, 38 years to be exact. He had more than enough time to grow accustomed to being the by the pool so much so that his response to Jesus asking him if he wanted to be well was an excuse. He said he didn't have anyone to help him get to his healing. The next thing Jesus does is give him a command "take up your mat and walk".

Jesus didn't even spend time addressing the excuse, he just gave a command to take action. While it is important to understand why we offer excuses, we don't want to get sidetracked. Spending an extended amount of time on the excuses can stop us from taking action. More often than not, we use excuses to stop us from getting to where we want to be. We've used pain to shield us from the unknown on the other side of healing. Healing takes intentionality. You have to want to heal then take the steps to do so.

Yes, it's hard to address the hurt.

Yes, it's hard to acknowledge that we have played a part in our pain.

Yes, it's hard to admit that we've caused harm to the people we love.

But it's all necessary. Fear can't stop us from receiving and walking in the love destined for us. It's time to step out of that fear and walk in healing.