Do the Hard Work, You Deserve it

Luke 1:37 For nothing is impossible with God

Isaiah 41:13 For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand,Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was learn how to love myself. I know it sounds silly but it didn’t come easy to me, and to be quite frank, I’m still working on it. For a long time I thought self care only consisted of the superficial actives, you know: the face masks, buying candles in bulk, frequent trips to TJMAXX, but it was a lot more than that.

What it actually meant, to me, was to look at myself and honestly reflecting. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life (so far) offering advice and guidance to others seeking peace within themselves but I couldn’t bear to take my own advice because it was too hard! Taking my own advice meant I had to address my emotions in real time, it meant going down memory lane and unpacking past experiences that scarred me.

I had grown so attached to my traumatic experiences that they had somehow become a part of my identity. I didn’t know who I was apart from them. Learning to love myself and move forward meant that I had to process the my trauma that I’ve held on to for safety. I know it sounds silly but my trauma was all I knew and it’s so much easier to face the known demon vs the unknown one.

Prov 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Luke 6:45

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Before I could let go, I had to open up the box of unaddressed emotions that I’ve done a phenomenal job at keeping at bay (or so I thought). I have this (mental) box of emotions that I keep tucked away in the back of my mind. Whenever I would experience an emotion or situation that was too much for me to handle, I would tuck it away it that box and deal with it later. Little did I know that the box that I thought was in a perfect hiding spot has been leaking and wreaking havoc! It spilled out into my relationships with my family and friends, romantic relationships, work situations. It was MESSY! Because I hadn't given myself the chance to unpack, these emotions began to overflow and I couldn't keep a handle on them anymore. My heart was so full of negativity and heartache that I bled over everyone around me. What was planted in my heart manifested in my life. I needed to dig deep and carefully unpack and uproot my past.

Galatians 6:2

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ

If it weren't for my support system, getting down into the dirt with me, pulling and praying away at the negativity that had taken root, I don't know where I would be. They showed me the reality of God's love and never ending grace. They ushered in the Holy Spirit to minister to me in times of need. They're helping me see myself the way God sees me. As Beautiful (Ps 139:14), Loved (John 3:16), Chosen (Deu 7:6), Strong (Phil 4:13), Cared for (Ps 23:1), Royal (1 Pet 2:9), A Leader (Deu 28:13), Important (Ps 144:12), Worth it (Ro 5:8), and His (Gal 3:26).

You Deserve it

Long story short: You deserve the best for yourself and that includes doing the hard work to get yourself there. Yes, self love and self care does include spa days but it also includes self reflection. Addressing your trauma isn’t easy, I know that first hand, but there are tons of people out there who are able and willing to help. So take that extra time to address the emotions that make you feel unsettled. Ask yourself the hard questions. Take some time to yourself and be alone with your thoughts and if that’s too much then have someone to walk you through it. But most importantly: be gentle with yourself. Speak words of love, kindness, and empowerment. You deserve it.

Journal:

When you notice an unsettling emotion/trigger, write it down. Document the events leading up to it and your response. Do it as many times as necessary and discuss it with your therapist/support group.

As always, I'm praying for you.