God Can't Bless Who You Pretend to Be

John 8: 32 "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free"

Everyone has had their bouts with honestly and little white lies, but what happens when you take them too far?

The honest truth

Let's be honest: we've all told a little "white lie" here and there to either get ourselves out of a sticky situation or just because. It happens, everyone does it, I do it, but it wasn't until recently that I realized that there is no such thing as a "little white lie".

A little back-story:

I always make it a point to put my best foot forward. When I first meet someone, I was taught to smile nicely and to accentuate my more positive attributes. "I'm studying to be a Christianity-based therapist. I come from a wholesome, hardworking family. I write for an awesome blog called 'Jesus and Therapy', you should check it out". I know the script and I know it well. I've been given numerous opportunities to perfect it and I have. Each of those statements is true, but the truth gets skewed when I focus more on where I want to be versus where I am.

A couple of months ago (pre-COVID) I had a chance to meet amazing new people and like clockwork, I gave the standard introductory statement: "I'm studying to be a Christianity-based therapist and I'm going to be great at it" (Jesus and Therapy wasn't a thing back then). I focused so much on where I wanted to be that I didn't highlight where I was. I disregarded it as if my current occupation and education was something to be ashamed of. I didn't even mention what I did for work, just what I wanted to do. I realized a few days ago that it happens in every aspect of life, we highlight our more positive characteristics and kick aside our shortcomings. Reality hit when my lack of direct honesty seeped into my relationship with God.

Your current position matters.

I was so fixed on becoming this perfect person that I completely dismissed who I am. It's great to have plans and goals for life, the Bible frequently talks about future preparations and preparing oneself for more but what happens when you're so engaged with your future self that you neglect where you are? That's where I was, that's where I am; prioritizing "becoming" that I don't appreciate who I am.

This fight to be the "perfect" version of Jessica is a losing battle. The fixation on the "perfect" Jessica stopped me from bringing all of my troubles to God because I had it all figured out. I didn't give God the chance to show me His glory. I didn't give Him the chance to show me His goodness, His kindness. I missed out on recognizing His grace and mercy because I didn't want to be honest about who I am. How can God bless me with more if I can't accept who I am, or where I am?

2 Corinthians 12:-10

"And He said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, I am strong"

Hiding my shortcomings, my sins, my weakness, my fragility, my humane nature, only hurts me in the long run. I can't address something and fix it if I'm overlooking it and I can't expect God to perfect something that I don't bring to him. Like "Hey, God. I have this thing I'm not happy about and I want You to make it better. I'm not going to tell You what it is but I want it to be resolved". That prayer wouldn't make much sense now, would it?

I am human, an imperfect human, and God knows that. He knows my flaws and limitations. He already knows the icky parts of me that I try so desperately to hide. He knows my imperfections and not only does He want to help me, He still loves me. If God can love me and take me in as I am, I should be able to extend that same grace to myself. So here I am, flaws and all, living in full honesty, truth, and acknowledgement of where I am in life, no matter the circumstance.